Sitting with mental & emotional indigestion
Image by Marcel Strauss
I'll be frank — I delayed writing this month's newsletter because I have been working through mental and emotional “indigestion.”
The last couple of months have been extremely activating and illuminating, to say the least. I challenged myself to own my most creative, interpersonal, intimate and professional desires, as well as to step deeper into the unknown as I welcome relevant opportunities. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I am learning that the process of actualizing these desires is an ever-evolving, shifting, and even a triggering one.
While welcoming new experiences in the name of my desires has called for my utmost presence — a state of much stimulation and learning, for me — I am also realizing that activation can easily shift into agitation. Old fears, doubts and limiting beliefs seemingly (re)emerge from the darkness, confronting me with the edges of the spaces within myself that I am outgrowing.
When I do not allow myself to “digest” my experiences (which looks different for everyone) my nervous system becomes dysregulated and I tend to feel overwhelmed and stuck. At worst, my head feels heavy, while my thoughts are scattered. My abdomen area feels pinched and my body feels like a sluggish, brown-green sludge. I feel like curling up into a ball.
There is an impulse in me that wants to force a rhythm and flow again, though I am realizing the need for stillness and to sit with my discomfort before I am able to know which parts of my recent experiences to integrate and to release. I can't help but think of this part of Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle:
“The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you're supposed to go up and down when you're supposed to go down. When you're supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there's no flow, stay still. If you resist the flow, everything dries up. If everything dries up, the world is darkness.”
As I am still very much “in it,” I am asking myself more “living” questions, i.e. questions without clear answers, those that may evolve or become resolved as we actively live them out. Currently, these questions tease out ideas around ease, gentleness, softness, pleasure and curiosity within myself.
Some questions to consider:
What does mental and emotional indigestion look, feel, and/or sound like within you? (If 'indigestion' isn't the right word for you, what are other ways to describe overstimulation, nervous system dysregulation or any other imbalances you may currently be experiencing?)
What might it look, feel, and/or sound like to acknowledge, sit with or be present with this discomfort?
How might you invite more ease, gentleness, softness, pleasure and/or curiosity into this process?
With gratitude,
Kristen
~
If you would like extra support, you're welcome to set up a consultation or book an appointment with me. I offer sliding scale and payment plan options for those who may need it.
